Today

Masquerade, Optimism No Comments

I shall give myself a pat
on the shoulder (after the wells cleared up
again),
for unearthing in me some nobility—
that little pure droplet, like a dew, a baby spring.

Run then, to where you think you can find
your oasis;
fuss I shan’t.
A floating leaf instead I shall be,
while remembering the ripples
begun one drizzly August night—
the very same things which now tell me
dauntingly,
how close I came to danger.

But I choose not venom, instead
with bowl-shaped hands scoop
from the freshest fountains I can find:
for you to quench your mortal thirst
and for me, to understand you and
cleanse myself.

That I did not know
it is something I possess brings
a smile: yet it is there,
flowing freely,
in some of the deepest sepulchers
of my heart.

25 February 2010, 3.17pm

first of august

Uncategorized 3 Comments

neither the song nor the moon it
was, but us, who dared tame
time—and winning but for a moment,
made now everlasting

sustained

Optimism No Comments

Yes, I felt nothing, nothing was left. I was a hole from the inside out. And how ridiculous it is for a self-professed optimist to say this! But that was the truth, I felt nothing; as if even air, and blood,—even tears—turned their backs on me and left me in and with a vacuum.

And yet to have this courage, to rely on Someone because there is absolutely nothing in you to sustain yourself, to depend solely on an Unseen for the last shred of hope, this beautiful humility, has got me back to my senses. And I hope it isn’t too late.

_______

Only the dark can teach the light brightness.

(10:06:41pm)

_______

The purpose is not to run away, it’s to chase after dreams.

(from a series’ soundtrack)

nani mo nai

Rewind, Windchimes No Comments

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfwkhFYtEM0

ICU Bakayama Happyokai 2007

I miss the Bakayama. I miss Japan. I miss me in Japan. I miss me.

Phheewww.

Presents

Optimism, Rewind No Comments

Had our campus amba [late] new year’s bash at Cangmating, Sibulan. I didn’t receive any gift as they forgot to include me during the lottery  for the ekschinj gept. (Mark, you owe me one. Hehe, peace!) But I got a present for myself—and that’s the realization that I’m happier now.

wala rgud.

I know I know, it’s hard for you to get this thing I’m talking about since I’ve not been regularly updating this little space. That’s because I’ve been through a lot for the past three months, and it’s only recently that I’ve decided to learn—yuppie, I decided to learn and let go of what has been, from the very beginning, not mine. You see, the most obvious indicator that you’ve really let go is when you can laugh the whole thing out, you can laugh at your stupidity, and yeah, even at your false hopes, while recalling the events that took place before, and right after you got hurt. But no one really did hurt me, I decided to be hurt myself. Yup, it was also a decision. And mind you, I took care of the pain before I let it go. Marj, if you’re reading this, your reaction would pro’ly be: “char!”. But thanks for being there, and to all the members of the Sociedad de Takirubz (you were great ‘caregivers’, haha!). After that thing in front of Gillamac’s, I learned a lot. And I also wanna thank my English Ed professor for reminding me, even unintentionally, that life hasn’t ended yet. Thanks for the little yellow post-it-note ma’am; it convinced me that I should spend my saturday night in Cangmating. I really did need some air, some sea breeze.

While in Cangmating I was blessed to have a chance to talk with a fellow campus amba whom I secretly admire for her wisdom. The talk began with the search for the elusive toothpaste, and was ended, if I remember it right, with my reservations for cross-dressers. Turned out the conversation was what I needed to formally tell myself I’m done with everything that happened with the realization that I’m a lot happier now. Again, a decision I needed to make.

But I still want my ‘gept’ . But no worries, I’m not in a hurry. 😀

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